The One About Cheating

I am no relationship expert....in fact, I am not even in the neighborhood of relationship expertise...so feel free to take what I say in this post with a pinch (or your preferred amount) of salt.

Here's my 2 kobo on cheating and the likes,

I've never understood cheating. Yes, it happens. Unfortunately. And it sucks. And sometimes it can damage a beautiful relationship to the point of no repair.

We live in a world where cheating is "condoned", and this annoys me immensely.

I do not subscribe to the "Once A Cheat, Always A Cheat" notion, and I try not  to be too quick to judge people who find themselves in a situation where they are cheating or being cheated on.

In other words, I do not necessarily feel that no matter what cheating MUST lead to the end of a relationship. There is no black and white when it comes to matters of the heart.

Sometimes people cheat, and work through it - either through therapy, counselling, dealing with their issues and what not- and end up having a good relationship afterwards.

Sometimes it's a playing-with-fire type situation that leads to cheating...for instance;

1. Alcohol is involved. hot guy + hot girl + inability to control self = wahala (trouble)
2. In times of vulnerability, going through issues with significant other (which is natural btw), leaning or depending on a friend or ex to help you get through said issues... vulnerability is taken advantage of... cheating ensues.

and a couple other scenarios..

Whatever causes the cheating or whatever happens afterwards is up to the two people involved and there are no rules to it besides the rules they make for themselves...and rules can be rigid or flexible...

That being said, If a friend of mine came to me crying that her man cheated on her, I wouldn't quickly jump into "Girl leave his sorry ass" ....I'll ask her to think about what she wants to do about it (whether it be to leave him or stay and fix it) and proceed to do it.

Now here's the part that IRKS THE LIFE OUT OF ME....

people   women who say ridiculous things like these "ALL men will cheat at some point, I EXPECT a man to cheat on me, I PREPARE for it. There is not one man in this world who is faithful. ALL of them cheat"

now when I hear shit like this, my first thought is
"honey were you dropped on your head as a child?"

I understand being cautious of people and not completely trusting someone...because I am that kind of person, I never put ALL my trust in one person....it's a self preservation mechanism for me...I realize that the human nature is constructed to disappoint sometimes...it is in our nature as human beings to disappoint people whether it is intentional or not... because no one is perfect..

but to sit around waiting for someone to disappoint you is kinda twisted if you ask me.

I'm not going to lie and say I don't realize that cheating is a possibility as you cannot put anything past anyone...but I definitely do NOT see it as a CERTAINTY.

THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS THE DIFFERENCE.

It is like entering your car to go out on the road and say "I expect to get into an accident today" or boarding a plane and saying "I expect a crash, all planes crash, this plane will crash" etc

 just because these things happen relatively often doesn't mean that they ALWAYS happen.

once again...it is the difference between recognizing the POSSIBILITY of something happening on one hand and on the other having CERTAINTY that it IS BOUND to happen.

Now, I'm all for respecting other people's opinions...
but some things I unfortunately, or maybe fortunately ...cannot wrap my head around.


In a moment of slight argument and relationship banter with a 2 of my friends, a dear friend of mine expressed that she subscribed to the CHEATING IS CERTAIN idea....
Another friend of mine quickly agreed with Friend 1 that it is a certainty. And a marriage or relationship that is free of infidelity is non-existent.

I disagreed immediately and somewhat aggressively, because I didn't want my friends thinking that this is a theory worth believing. Also, because I know these friends very well and know that they are not "emotionally irreparably damaged" ...so it was weird hearing such statements from people who were...for lack of better word "undamaged" ...because usually when you hear those kind of statements they are from people who have been severely hurt or damaged.

We argued , then agreed to disagree and ended the argument.


Last night, I spoke to my friend who previously said that CHEATING IS A CERTAINTY ......this time she disagreed and she couldn't even remember ever mentioning something like that.

Therein lies the problem.....do we sometimes say these things because that is what society has shown to us and we are reflecting back these ideas unconsciously before we even realize it? What we see and hear contributes to forming our mindsets ..

Or do we say these things to please others? because a friend said it...so we agree with it... they must know, they have more experience than you...so they must be right.

or do we say these things to take the pressure off, because maybe we think if we get cheated on having the mindset that it is a certainty, we will not get hit as hard as we would have been if we just saw it as a possibility?


Reality TV, Soap Operas, Movies, Music, Friends , Relatives and society generally will have you thinking that LOYALTY and FIDELITY in a relationship is a fantasy and a fallacy.

Is that what makes us believe this bullshit (pardon my french) idea?

Yes, many Nigerians can relate to growing up in households where Uncle is sleeping with Aunty's friend, and Oga and screwing the help, and when you grow older and seemingly wiser and you question such acts like asking Aunty why Uncle is a chronic skirt-chaser....Aunty will say "because that is what ALL men do, they ALL do it, you better realize it now"

Rather than allow ourselves form our own opinions about such issues free of any interference from others, we conclude, we assume...

since Uncle was a no good, and all your friend's boyfriends have been no goods, and maybe you even had a no good at some unfortunate point in your life, and Fabolous , Rapper and boyfriend of Emily from Love and Hip Hop cannot stay faithful....and in the movies a bored housewife is always screwing her gardener or tennis coach , while her husband is steady doing his secretary .....

Then humans can NEVER stay faithful?

Pray, tell me....have you encountered EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the world?

Was there a worldwide poll that produced results saying EVERYONE CHEATS?

at the end of the day I have a little advice for people who say things like these;

Do NOT make excuses for other people's action ; especially actions that haven't even been committed yet. If you are telling a man that you believe all men cheat and will always cheat, then you are basically giving him a card that say "permission to cheat. I know it's coming. signed, your girlfriend/wife"

If you have said ALL men WILL cheat, and someone cheats on you.... and you feel even the slightest feeling of anger and sadness....then you are confused.

It's like walking into a room and turning on the stereo and then getting mad that music is playing... when you voluntarily switched it on..

Last I checked, relationships were about commitment and marriage is between two people "forsaking all others but your spouse"

That being said, do NOT on the other hand believe that it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to cheat and do not COMPLETELY rule out that possibility....
Obviously, It happens....


mistakes happen, yea people cheat....I am not disagreeing with that



but if someone is going to betray your trust, don't design the plan for them...

because in the end....YOU play a significant part in your own betrayal.


Once again...feel free to consume this information with your desired amount of salt..


Yours truly,
Iphy