Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Lady

About two years ago I joined this book club online that sent me books for a ridiculously cheap price so I bought a whole bunch of books from them. One of the books I bought was Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I still haven't read the book till today frankly because of laziness, lack of interest and the fact that I usually like fiction, history books and self-help and motivational books. Now, one might argue that Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man is a self-help book but personally I don't really consider it one, maybe because I haven't even read it.

I am the judge-a-book-by-it's-cover-or-title kind of person. I admit I should learn to see things beyond their initial packaging but I really don't and I am working on it. That is actually the MAIN reason I haven't read ALALTLAM (Act Lika A Lady, Think Like A Man). The title irritated me slightly so I lost interest in the book. My problem with the title is that it suggests that for a relationship to thrive, a woman has to replace her own mentality with that of the man's. From the get go, the woman is taught that she is going into some kind of battlefield and the only way to succeed is to get into the head of the opponent. THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH THESE KIND OF BOOKS. Relationships are portrayed a kind of battle for who has the upper hand. It's seen as a race. And for women to "win" we have to think like the "natural winners" - the men.

My Human Sexuality professor in undergrad (who's also a really good psychologist and therapist) said something during one of his very entertaining class sessions. He said "when we start seeing male/female relationships as COMPLEMENTARY rather than COMPETITIVE we will have better unions" .  This statement stuck with me and will probably stick with me for a long time. 
The thing about these kind of books that irk me is that there is a premonition -even before we enter romantic relationships- that love and relationship is a battle field and you better come armed to the teeth and ready to use tactics - like the ones these books teach us- to win this "war". WE ARE TAUGHT BY SOCIETY TO SEE RELATIONSHIPS AS COMPETITIVE. And of course, nobody wants to be a loser. 

Even more annoying for me is that these books are always targeted towards women. There is a message behind that. The underlying message is "woman, you automatically on the losing end and you need to CHANGE your natural mentality and attitude and thought processes to succeed in a relationship". 

I personally think that if you read these women-it's-your-fault-and-you're-doing-it-wrong books like "Act like a lady,think like a man" for relationship advice then....  you are really sitting on a long everlasting thing you are already setting yourself up for failure.  My main issue with these sort of books is that they tell you that relationship issues automatically stem from the woman's end. Ever wonder why these "relationship advice/self-help" books are always targeted at women? How many "Think Like A Woman" or "How To Be The Man A Woman Wants" books do we see?

Yet, books like ALALTLAM flood the market. If you doubt me just walk into your local Barnes & Nobles and go to the relationship self-help aisle. Or do a quick Amazon search and see what comes up. 

I don't think you have to think like a man to successfully be with a man. And same goes for men, I disagree that you have to think like a woman to successfully be with a woman. 


Yes, members of the opposite sex need to understand each other and co-operate with each other to have successful relationships. But to totally lose yourself and aim to "think" like the other party in an attempt to "win" might be helpful in the beginning, but somewhere down the line, not so much. 

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Lady.
Act Like A Man, Think Like A Man.

Mind games, tactics, etc are unnecessary. And if you find yourself ever having to use these tactics and mind games to "win" and "compete" in love, chances are you are not in an ideal relationship.


Just my 2 kobo on the issue.

Iphy